Last night, I was talking to a dear friend of mine and I told her that my pain is so good for me. I woke up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom and I was saying the Jesus Prayer as I limped the whole way there. I was thanking God for the pain. Why? Because His protection is ALWAYS good. His love is ALWAYS good. He is infinitely and indescribably perfect. He is not a torturer. He is not a warmonger. He is peace. He is comfort. He is joy.
God is not going to grant our every wish like a fairy godmother because he knows exactly what is best for us. Exactly. More exact than a 90 degree angle on a square. My third graders were learning about squares this week. I digress...
I see pictures of perfect people on social media. Many times, I have had the thought that I've done something horrible to deserve this. They're living a life I've had passion for: off grid, tiny cabin, organic garden, hiking, health nut, debt free, gorgeous hair, most amazing lipstick on the planet. I'm not living the life "I" want. This must be punishment... this pain and sickness. I must be awful and rotten and unwanted.
No. I want to scream NO and I want to fight that thought because PEOPLE, God doesn't see an unwanted and rotten person. He sees a soul created in His image. I am not worthless. He's allowing this for my good. If not for this journey, I could be homeless and high on heroine not even attempting to know God. Instead, He has graciously brought me into His fold and called me beloved. I am so undeserving.
It seems so opposite to this world, but sometimes good things can be our vices and "bad things" (pain and suffering) are so good for us. God sees it all.
It's so beautiful that the gospel passage that I was reading yesterday was Luke 12. I encourage you to read the whole chapter, but I love these verses especially:
And do not seek what you are to eat and what you are to drink, nor be worried. For all the nations of the world seek after these things, and your Father knows that you need them. Instead, seek his kingdom, and these things will be added to you. -Luke 12:29-31
